In Defense of Cards Against Humanity

Once upon a time, a group of white college cishet boys came up with a card game. It was absurd. It was kind of horrible. It was hilarious. It was bigoted. It was an incredible new form of gameplay. It’s indefensible in it’s original form, but here’s the thing, despite the inherent problems with the game, most notably that it’s written with the idea of what it’s CREATORS and not the full breadth of the consumer base feel are funny, it’s become something far bigger than it’s origins. It’s become a MEDIUM, not simply a product.

The original deck, as published, has some SERIOUS problems that need not be ignored, but the merits of “sanitizing” your deck of Cards Against Humanity are numerous, and can bring back joy to the game if you find yours lacking. For starters, you can download the set rather than pay for it, since there ARE going to be some cards you just don’t want, and because patronizing your local print shop will make it easier to customize your deck later down the road.

Here are some simple ways to help make your deck safe for your friends group.

Step 1: Cards with cool people. The deck is a medium, not a message. Just because a given card combination is available to you at the moment, doesn’t mean you have to play it. MOST cards in the deck can be used in hilarious, off the wall, potentially inappropriate but not BIGOTED ways. If something hits the table that’s racist, sexist, transphobic, etc… the #1 cause of that is that the PLAYER is a bigot. Sorry folks.

Step 2: Cards on Probation. Some cards are impossible, or near impossible to use in a non-bigoted way. If you have cool friends, the result of this is that someone winds up sitting on those cards all game, unable to use them, and uncomfortably staring at something they’d really like to set on fire. Sometimes this is because of inherent bias on behalf of the card holder, (can’t find an appropriate way to play the “black people” card; they exist,) and sometimes that’s because the card itself is shit. (i.e. “A Robust Mongliod.”) A good house rule is that anyone stuck with one of these crap-cards can, upon drawing them, or any time later reveal the card to the group, and submit it to go in the “on probation” pile of cards, kept out of the game for that gathering.

Step 3: Cards in the Trash. You’re the owner of your deck. Anyone, at any time in your game can ask for a card to be put on probation, but since it’s your property, only you can put a final end to that card. Maybe you want to put the “Shittier Jewish Version of Christmas” card your brother put on probation back into the deck when he’s not there, because you’re Jewish, and you personally find it funny. Maybe you want to take the “Incest” card and run it through the garbage disposal because that shit will never be funny. It’s yours to destroy, go ahead. It’s your deck.

Step 4: Cards of Your Own. Now, if you’re destroying cards and wind up with too few… or if you’ve been playing with the same people a lot, you’re going to find that your game starts to get stale. There’s a solution for that too. Google “Cards Against Parody” and you will be assailed by hundreds of different fan-made rehashes of the game format. Cards Against Librarianship, Cards Against Gallefry, Ladies Against Humanity, and many others all use the black card/white card format to make the same sort of jokes that the original made, but with different viewpoints in mind. For every group you might be a part of, Women, Treckies, IT Professionals, Parents, what have you, there’s someone out there curating cards that you and your circle of friend will find funny. There are templates across the internet for making your own cards, to add things into the game that may be very specific to your friends or your locality, (ex. “Northway Exit 3” is in my deck.)

Step 5: Cards with Cool People. I’m sorry… am I repeating myself? Now you thought you started with some cool people. And then you sanitized your deck. Now there are still some combinations in the deck that will be bigoted, but the cards remain because there are more ways to use them that are cool, than those that are not. Yet this one jerk still manages to find the bigoted ways to play the cards, and does… and laughs. Stop playing with him.You don’t want to play CaH with this person. Honestly, you probably don’t want to share a meal with this person. They’re gross. Ew. But maybe they’re your brother and you have to. That doesn’t mean he has to be invited for CaH. STOP INVITING THIS PERSON. 

And lo… your game of Cards Against Humanity is fun again. There may be very little left of  your original deck (all the more reason to download) but there’s definitively merit in lambasting “Sean Penn” for “Not Giving a Shit About the Third World” so some of the cards will remain. Go forth and laugh once more!!!


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Standing by Your Freinds

Please note the globe.

Please note the globe. This was a public vaguepost. It’s way uncool to screencap anything that’s not publicly posted and make it public. This was laid out in public after I was unfriended, and clearly meant as a means of ‘taking the high ground.’

One of the most common things for people to do when they have a disagreement these days, is to vaugepost about it on Facebook in a show of moral superiority. The problem with this, is the vauge part. You can stand up and say “I took this stance and lost a friend over it,” and possibly have people tell you that your stance was actually pretty crappy, or you can say “Some moral causes are more important than friendships,” and just rack up the likes from friends who already like you and thus fill in for themselves something very worthy.

Now, normally when someone unfreinds me and pulls that shit, it’s something I let slide. I don’t have time for that. But in the case of Ms. Amanda here, I’m going to have to speak up, because in this case the person taking the moral high ground is doing so to defend their continued friendship with a person who has literally destroyed another person’s life, for no good reason, our un-cencored commenter: Ms. Ally Leavenworth.

Momentarily I would like to direct you back to a previos post from 2012 entitled “Mad World” and the rest of the “Lew’s Fire” category, in which I wrote about the fact that a pretty shitty young man named Christopher Felt, along with co-defendants Rustin Atchinson, and the aforementioned Ally Leavenworth, had been indicted on charges that they conspired, to burn my friend’s house to the ground. It was nothing but a basement full of ash by the time they were done with it, two cats turned out dead, and the third despite months of trying was never recaptured. Christopher bragged about it to a mutual acquaintance who I have no reason to disbelieve, and his accomplices have apparently attempted to explain their involvement to rather than deny them, on the grounds that they weren’t going to be able to stop him anyway or some shit like that, but the point is that these three are still tooling around on bail after being arraigned for this crime three years ago, and while the trials are still pending, I have zero personal doubt of their guilt.

As such, yes, there ARE consequences for standing by your friends, but that’s not always the moral high road, because sometimes your friends turn out to be abusers, racists, misogynists,  KKK members, rapists, murderers, anti-semites, gamergaters, or (alleged) ARSONISTS, and when you find out that your friend is engaged in outright reprehensible behavior you really CANNOT take the moral high ground when someone wants nothing to do with you for chilling with flat out harmful people. This kind of behavior is why we live in the kind of world we do, where people just give their friends a pass for being shitty people. You didn’t hear HIS side of the rape. You have to understand why they’re racist, they’re OLD and they don’t know any better. It’s about integrity in game journalism. It’s perpetuating the bad behavior of others by tacitly condoning it, is what it is, and when you pull that shit, the high ground is not yours to claim. Call it what it is, you value that friend more than you value their victims. End of story.


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Drama Time…

I’m really pushing for my daytime Emmy with this one. :p Database Ranger is no longer himself, and Doctor K has no choice but to flee, but even if she does escape, will she still be able to find her way home for the holidays?


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Halloween Haunt…

The LOLCAT makes it’s second Halloween appearance to break the brains of one of our primary charactors. This time it’s K’s turn to revisit that which has haunted her for years…


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Is this a very late thread on the subject? Well I guess since the convention itself was back in August… and I blogged about it back then, lets just consider this an extra shall we? This is the episode that we filmed out there for Database Ranger’s Power Reviews, with Jake’s online freind and spec scrips writing buddy Shamus on the camera for some really cool panning shots. Also we have a really cool cameo from Jake and me out of character… it’s all just really cool. Ok?

Watch the cool!!!


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