Right, so when last we left our intrepid adventurers, they were on a bizarro almost this world plane failing to explain to the local Catholic Church “Church of Cathol” about Arron’s wings, or find anyone who can raise Masarrah from the dead, and they were headed out to the “Church of Muslim” to try and see if they have better luck with the followers of that deity instead. So who’s fault is it that this game just got so strange?
Strife for rolling back in as an Imam with guns?
Q for blowing up that Master Staff and getting us blown into another plane?
Or Majere the DM for making up this odd ass Steampunk London plane?
All I know is it’s sure as heck not my fault!!! And since neither myself, the Strife or Majere are allowed back in the liquor store tonight, and Q got confused on the booze run, we have about 30 times the alcohol we meant to have… this will be interesting…
- Merle and Aaron set off in search of the “Church of Muslim.”
- Meet Saif, Scout 16, an Imam with a gun in London… nice rolling Strife!
- “Are you in the favor of your god? Because no one over in the Church of Cathol can raise the dead.”
- Saif has to explain to Merle, that his diety is called Allah, and Saif is the Muslim.
- Aarron: Perhaps he worships an overdeity like Ao, who doesn’t grant their followers direct magics.
Aaron: A god above other gods.
Saif: Allah is the one TRUE god.
Aaron: An arrogant overdiety.
- Strife: Is there DnD in this world?
- So Saif is going to “call” his boss Ben for us… which Merle and Aaron think is a “summoning spell.”
- Ben: Saif, what does this angel look like?
Strife: I haven’t seen anything like this before right?
Saif: Like nothing I’ve ever seen before.
- Moral arguments ensue over whether or not Magic is Good or Evil.
- Aaron: Magic in the right hands can protect the weak and the innocent.
Merle: Or it can turn me into Jullianed Fries.
Aaron: That wasn’t my fault. That was the Dragon’s fault.
- Merle: And was I, or was I not up untill a few hours ago, a guinea pig.
Aaron: Yes, but I used the potion to heal you.
Saif: That… explains a lot. (Remember… Merle’s a Halfling.)
- Sirens…. many sirens.
- Saif’s friend Ben calls back and says get the hell out of dodge. He kits up, but Aaron and Merle want to fight with the bad thing.
- Unfortunately there’s a brick wall in the back door that wasn’t there before, and the two white things following Saif, start getting the shit kicked out of them by four black things that just floated in…. aaaaand an evil thing in the doorway.
- Q: I activate my holy aura.
DM: What does that do?
Q: Same thing it did last time!
- Aaron (to evil thing): Why are you attacking the Church of Muslim?
Merle: Allah! Not Muslim!
Aaron: Why are you attacking the Church of Allah?
Evil Thing in the Doorway: You are not supposed to be here.
Merle and Aaron: We KNOW that!!! We’re trying to get home!
Evil Thing: You have interrupted the master’s plan!
Aaron: I hate it when they say that.
- The evil thing just grins a creepy assed giant long pointy toothy grin. It’s here after known as “Grin Face.”
- Merle shoots Grin Face in the smile… so does Saif… Aaron Chain Lightning’s everything and catches Merle in the collateral damage.
Merle: DAMNIT AARON!!!
- Grin Face casts horrid wilting… and Merle dies… again.
Aaron: You killed Merle!!! You BASTARD!!!
Mayo starts drinking heavily.
- More Evil Spellcasting… I’m not sure what… was folding laundry. Saif is at a -3.
- Saif is back up… and Aaron scoops up Merles body into his bag, and goes to fight with Grin Face on the roof… where he liquifies it and the fucker seeps into the roof.
- Aaron spends the day Hallowing the Mosque. Saif calls Ben on the phone again.
Saif: Hi Ben… there’s a demon… it kind of soaked into the Mosque.
Ben: I’ll be right there.
- So Ben shows up… and gets it explained to him about the Grin… and then notices how Saif looks like SHIT.
Saif: It was a demon, it did demony things, and then I hurt… a lot.
- DM: Merle is now a spirit…. so you can talk to Aaron or someone by manifesting to the real world once per point of Willpower. What’s your Will Save? Ok, you can speak 5 times a day.
- Saif: You want to blow up my mosque?
Strife: High or low?
Saif: I don’t WANT you to blow up my Mosque!
Mayo: You had to ROLL for that?
- At least THREE TIMES in the course of five minutes.
Saif: We need to get that angel down before we blow up the building.
- Saif runs inside to save his Koran, and is attacked by the God Emperor of Dune… well not really… the soaked in Grin Face has manifested as a fat tentacle with a grin… and is pissed.
- Outside again, Saif borrows a bullhorn and tells Aaron to get the hell down before they blow up the building… he doesn’t listen… they start to blow up the building, and Merle manifests to scream at Aaron about how he really should move AWAY from things that explode.
- The Mosque is gone, but in it’s place is a shadow Mosque made of Grin Face which dissolves back into a puddle and tries to run away.
- Aaron attacks the puddle hardcore… and seems to have damaged it, but it gets away, and Ben starts driving off. Aaron flies off after Ben’s departing car… with Merle’s spirit in tow. (She has to stay with her body… in his pack.)
- Guard: Hi Saif!
Saif: No time to talk! Chasing an angel!
Strife: Wait… I know him right?
DM: He’s a civilian…
Strife: Oh… ok then this instead:
Saif: Salaam! Late for work!!!
- DM: You get to the Order’s headquarters. There’s cars of every type here, cars, jeeps, humvees, cars-
Q: Humvees, trucks, CARS, vans, jeeps CARS, trucks CARS!!!!
- Aaron (lifting Ben into the air): Produce someone of your order who can raise the dead!
Ben: You will not get what you want by muscling your way into this organization.
Aaron: You have one more chance, or everyone in here is dead.
Ben: Good Luck.
Aaron (Vorpal Sword in Hand): As you wish.
Saif: Can you put my boss down?
- Ben: If you put me down, we can handle this in a civil manner.
Aaron: This IS civil. I haven’t blown anything up yet.
- Merle… Manifesting: Don’t you DARE go all Vecna all over these people!!!!
- Saif: Can we all just… talk this out nicely?
Merle: Listen to the Muslim!!!
- Ben: Saif… handle your freind.
Saif: I’m trying to but he’s an angel. I don’t want to attack him… he’s an angel. I’m trying to talk to him… he’s an ANGEL.
Aaron: I’m not an angel. I’m a Nephalim.
- Aaron: Be more specific, what is a scientist?
Ben: They use science.
Aaron: You have gnomes?
Ben: We can… bind her spirit into something like… like a suit of armor.
Mayo: You’re going to turn me into Alphonse Elric?
Majere: Who’s that?
- Ben dissolves.
Saif: What the fuck?
DM: Last you knew your boss was human.
Strife: Hence, ‘what the fuck?’
- Saif: Do you have a name Angel?
Saif: What is it?
Aaron: I’ll tell you later.
Saif: I don’t want to keep calling you Angel.
Aaron: Then call me Nephalim, it’s more accurate.
- Aaron and Saif in the Elevator… Aaron still has out his vorpal sword, they hit the button to go to floor 6. Merle uses another manifestation to invisibly push ALL the buttons… gleefully. This makes the doors open on every damn floor.
A Couple On A Floor They Pass: Uh…. we’ll take the next one.
- Aaron: Where is BEN. Get him now.
Tammy the Secretary: I can’t get him… I can only call him.
Aaron: If you can call him you know where he is.
Saif: It’s a PHONE.
Tammy: I can only call his number and if he’s there he’ll answer.
Aaron: If he’s WHERE, take me there.
Tammy: I don’t have that authority!
Aaron: I’m granting you that authority. TAKE ME THERE.
- Ben: You brought this danger down on our world, you should save us.
Aaron: I got here saving another world. I don’t want to save your world, I just want my friend brought back to life.
- DM: …. Mount Klein.
Strife: Did you say Mount Climb?
Strife: Ok good, I was thinking the DM was getting really uncreative with the names.
Q: We’re very uncreative with our names here.This is the mountain CLIMB. This road is called WALK.
Strife: Our Highway is called DRIVE.
Q: Our town is called LIVE.
Majere (DM): These are the fields of PLOW.
- Ben: I can tell you how to get to Magda… she can resurrect your friend, but it will not be pleasant. *Directions.*
Aaron: Great, the only person in your Order who can raise the dead, and she lives in a lair.
Ben: She’s not a part of our Order.
Aaron: I will have to check with another religion then.
Saif: Oh Ben, is not a follower of Allah. The Order is not my Church.
Aaron: Then why do you tolerate the undead?
Saif: Are you undead?
Scout: Sense motive check!!!!
- Saif: Wait!!! Can I come with you?
Saif: Cause they can raise the dead. And I’d like to meet them. They’d be good to have when the unending hoards of demons cross over into this world. And, uh, if my boss is really that stupid, or that undead, then I don’t think I want to trust him to lead the defense. So, yeah, I’d kinda like to meet this person.
- Magda: I can only resurrect your friend with the sacrifice of another soul.
Aaron: Then can you send me home?
Magda: I have been involved in much transportation between the worlds… many, many souls are needed to power the spell jammer, so that the goddess may return.
Q: Oh great… it’s the upside down pyramid thing.
Mayo: Hey! Plot Ties!
- Magda: Very well, lay on the altar.
Saif: That’s probably a BAD idea!!!
Magda: Lay upon the altar.
Saif: STILL a BAD IDEA!!!
- Magda finally agrees to plane shift him.
Q: Spellcraft check!
DM: She’s casting planeshift.
Q: What’s the target plane?
DM: Xandria. (Our Campaign’s Original Plane.)
Q: You sure it’s not the Elemental Plane of Ranch Dressing?
Strife: It’s Carealot!!!
- Saif: Hey… where are you going? Can I come with you? I wish you’d stay.
Aaron: Your world is doomed. *Planeshift.*
Magda (Eyeballs Saif): What a lovely offering!!!
Saif: *RUNS LIKE FUCK!!!*
- Back in Xandria…. Aaron appears in some decimated city.
- We take a break for the DM to adjust to us Plane Shifting again… and help the Scout/Cleric start to roll his Paladin for the upcoming 2.0 Ravenloft Campaign.
Strife (Looking at 2.0 Sourcebook Illustration of Paladin): Is this guy a PENIS with a FACE?
Q: No a penis with a face is the God Emperor of Dune.
Strife: The God Emperor of Dune looks less like a PENIS than THIS!!!
Cue the argument about the God Emperor Leto, and his thousands of years of terrible reign, and whether or not he was a decent fellow filled with “Giant Dick” puns.
- So yeah… Aaron finds the temple of Pelor, in Celestina, on Bavin, which is where we are, but there’s no one there to resurrect Massarah or Merle.
- Vecna: I can raise your friends… release me!
Aaron: No. Maybe if I have to fight Tiamat soon… but until then, you’re just going to stay safe in my head like any other crazy delusional person.
- Some Dude Examines Aaron’s Wings: You! You were with that terrorist group that blew up the tower! What are you DOING here?!?!?!
Aaron: . . . . what?
- NPC, to Aaron: How do you plan on penetrating the dark fortress?
Mayo and Strife: With my penis!
- They find a cleric to resurrect Merle and Massarah.
- Aaron: Before we get going to the dark fortress of Tiamat, we need to go shopping.
Aaron: You keep dying. If we buy some things maybe we can stop that happening all the time… but first we need to go someplace that’s not…
Aaron: It’s well more than 10% destroyed here.
Aaron: I like that one better.
Masarrah, to Merle: He likes me better.
- Aaron Scrys to find someplace we can shop, but instead discovers the poor Magic Bedouin are being attacked by the Tarasque-Litch… so he dumps out his bag of holding, and teleports off to the Bedouin…
Aaron: GET IN THE BAG IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!!!!
Aaaaaand… game. The DM has had it for the night, so next time… we get to find out what happens with Aaron and the Bedouin in the Desert with the UnDead Tarasque… meanwhile Massarah and Merle are chilling out in Bavin with the Lobster and a lot of magic items… oh well!!!