Reminder… I’m Mayo, playing the Rouge Merle, Strife is playing the Cleric Masarrah, Q is playing the Warmage Aaron, and Our DM is Majere. OOC things are in italics.
So when last we left our intrepid adventures, they were in Masarrah’s sects base on Morgoth, trying to decide how to go back about attacking the flying Citadel of Tiamat when it’s surrounded by Dragons that make Merle and Masarrah scream and run away.
- So we’re trying to find out where the control glove is for our rod of Sphere of Annihilation, Eldora is being an ass, and Masarrah, is being a jerk to Aaron.
- Vecna, takes over Aaron and makes him fire Magic Missile at Masarrah… Merle runs the hell away.
- Merle: Are you done blowing things up?
Masarrah: Is he ever?
- Eldora: There is a place, where if you take things, there and cast them into the abyss, they are destroyed.
Mayo: So… we’ll need a wizard, and a dwarf, and a creepy guy who thinks the phylactery is his.
Mayo: We’re going to MORDOR!!!
- So Aaron is convinced to free Eldora… but in so doing blows himself, and the room he’s in up pretty badly… also Masarrah who’s standing outside. Merle makes her reflex check to dodge.
- Q: Damn, this conversation’s been more devastating than the dragons!!!
- Aaron: So we’re going to Horus, and find the phylatery, so we can drop it in the abyss.
Merle: I don’t like where this is going, every time someone has to carry an artifact of evil to the only place where it can be destroyed, it winds up being the halfling!!!!
- So they go and get the phylactery… and then… Aaron carries it and they don’t go to the abyss yet…
- Because they have to go to the Gi-ANTs hive, which is now flooded, and get the glove they need to control the rod of Sphere of Annihilation, which the DM allows to happen without incident, seeing as how Masarrah is too poor to breath, Merle still has the Lobster Sub and Aaron has the Druid’s necklace of adaptation.
- So after an extended debate, and much research in the books… we’re on our way to the plane of Arborea… which is apparently the afterlife of the elves… because that’s where Masarrah summoned her, Eladrins from earlier, not that she bothered to tell the rest of the party that it was the Elven Afterlife.
- DM: Hangon…
Q: Loading… loading… loading… loading… loading…
- They arrive in Arborea… and can’t actually find any other living creatures.
Masarrah: I don’t know how to get around here, I just know this is where my friends come from!
Merle: So summon them back and ASK them how to get around!!!
DM: I was wondering when someone was going to suggest that.
- Aaron does some aerial recognizance, and determines the location of a village full of dead elves… I mean happily in heaven dead elves, not corpses.
- Masarrah: A lot of good people are dead, the Tarrasque is UNdead…
- DM: You’re just done cleaning up, and you feel a precsence behind you,
Strife: There is a disturbance in the force!
Q: I didn’t drop the soap.
- DM: The horses have only one eye, a nose, and no mouth… and two legs.
Q: Someone misinterpreted Unicorn.
DM: And the guards on board, have helmets with a single horn on them.
- DM: Out of the carriage comes an elf, he says his name is…
The DM trails off while looking at his list of names.
Majere (DM): I think I used all the good ones.
Q: I’ll help… *Points randomly to the paper.*
Majere (DM): Straigoth?
Strife: He’s a goth, who’s lost.
Majere (DM): No.
- So the elf has to go talk to the council… but he leaves a spread of magic food.
Merle: I wonder if he has the same caterer as Lord Booshie.
- So… the party argues with the elf, because we don’t want to wait a year for him to come back, and he lets us into his carriage… which seems to be larger than it looked on the outside.
Gamers: ITS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE!!!!
Strife: It’s the TARDIS!!!
Q: Now that we’ve got all of that out of our systems.
- Masarah is not happy when we get called early to the meeting… apparently she was getting it on with a hot elf chick.
Massarah: Can we put this off for a few minutes?
Mayo: Why, do you need the bathroom?
Strifefalls to the floor laughing…
Strife: NO!!!! THAT WAS IN CHARACTER!!!!
- Aaron: We’re here to save the world, not indulge in tarts.
Masarrah: Thought you said carts.
Aaron: No TARTS… though I suppose you could indulge in carts, but that would result in a one eyed, two legged horse, looking back at you strangely and whistling softly thru it’s because it has a mouth and therefore cannot speak.
- Merle addresses the council… with the idea that maybe everyone dying and everything being destroyed on her home plain is a bad thing, so can they please help? What… she has a 0 Cha modifier.
- Masarrah, was far more eloquent, noting the whole Vecna, Tiamat, save a plain from the influences of evil and such… it’s quite nice.
- Aaron requests to hold his address of the council until after they have spoken their concerns.
- An Elf, adressing the council: Have you forgotten your humanity?!?!?
Strife: Humanity? More like… Elfmanity.
Q: OH THE ELFMANITY!!! Elfinity?
- Elf: First, take your army.
DM: He hands you a seed.
Aaron: Uh… impressive Army.
- Elf: There is a path to the Elder forge, within the ring of fire.
Masasarah: We can defeat him with a ring of fire?
MM and Mayo: It burns, burns, burns!! The Ring of fire!!! The Ring of fire!!!
Elf: No, the Elder Forge is a pocket dimension, which you can only access thru a ring of fire. There you will find the sword of Marduk which can be used to wake the good dragons.
- The Librarian wants our LIFE ESSENCE? Talk about your library fees.
Masarrah: Don’t only demons want things like that?
Merle: Eldora? Is that you?
- Masarrah, who’s leveled up enough to cast “Miracle” is now crazy for her lost beholder mount, and blowing spells left and right on trying to divine whether the damn thing will come back in Vecna’s service, or in her service.
- So… yeah, we plain shift home so Aaron can go after the sword of Marduk, because only a non-mortal can enter that domain without dying. We wind up on a continent none of us have been to before.
- Aaron’s aerial recognizance turns up boiling seas and dead sea elves…
- So we find Masarrah’s people, and they’re getting ready to bug out for another dimension. Aaron wants them to stay, but they don’t think they’re gong to be of much use. They bug out… and so the party decides to… the ring of fire is 250,000 miles from here. WHAT?
Majere (DM): Hangon… I need to re-do my math on this map scale… no… it’s 20,000 miles from here.
Q: Just for reference, the circumference of the earth is 25,000 miles.
Majere (DM): Didn’t you know you’re on Jupiter?
- Aaron: Just… Miracle us where we need to be, or else we can have a brief interlude where we kill the undead Tarrasque now that you can cast Miracle to keep him dead.
- Majere (DM): You’re only 550 miles from the Ring of Fire… I did the math again.
Q: NO!!!! Wait… we WERE on Jupiter, and now we’re on PLUTO?
Mayo: That’s not even a planet!
- So we teleport to the ring of fire, because we can now… leaving Masarrah behind with all the magic gear (not allowed on the Elder Forge Plain) and some diamonds to resurrect us if need be.
- Merle promptly botches her fort save, and passes out, so Aaron drags her unconscious butt up the volcano, wrapping some fabric around her mouth to protect her some from the acrid air.
- Aaron blows his once a day “neutralize poison” on Merle… who manages to botch her fort save AGAIN and passes right back out.
- Masarrah casts “Miracle” while they’re gone to get a guardian to help watch over her while she’s alone…
- Aaron is busy making knowledge checks to try and find the entrance of the Elder Forge….
- So… Aaron jumps into the Volcano and Merle dies painlessly in her unconsciousness. Aaron dies HORRIBLY.
- Aaron: Shouldn’t there be a light here?
Merle: There has been the other times I died, but I never made it there… which I think is good because I don’t think you come back from that.
Aaron: I think we can with true resurrection but…
Merle: STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT CAROL ANNE!!!
- So they head off over a thin stone bridge… which disappears behind them as they walk…
- Masarrah casts “Miracle” for a mount, and gets a half black, half white horse for her trouble.
- They find an inscription that reads, “Behind you lies Salvation, Ahead of you lies Victory.”
Merle: I’ll take salvation…
She turns back but the bridge is still… gone.
“The wisest of paths are not always seen by the eye.”
Merle: We came up thru the fountain once… maybe we can go down?
Aaron: Ok… lets try.
They start sinking thru the stone…
Aaron: I hope you’re right or we’re going to wake up to Masarrah asking what the fuck went wrong.
Merle: The Fountain is forward, we came up thru it once, going down thru the fountain is forward and back, both at once…
Aaron: I know… that’s why I got in the fountain in the first place.
- So they come out the bottom of the fountain, and into Clear water… and it’s alive again…. they go forward down the path.
- DM: The sun goes down, you start getting tired.
Aaron: If we’re dead… why are we tired?
Merle: Maybe we’re in the past?
Aaron: No… I refuse to believe this, because if we were in the past, then we’d be able to…
Merle: Change things.
Aaron: We need to go back to the Mage’s Tower then, and kill Saladin.
- So they camp for the night…. meanwhile in the real world it’s morning for Masarrah, who’s casting “Miracle” again, to send them a guide…Masarrah crashes to the ground next to Merle and Aaron.
- Aaron: If you’re here… who’s going to resurrect us?
Masarrah: Well I asked Olidammara to send you a guardian who could let me know when you needed to be resurrected… so I must still be able to-
Aaron: Isn’t she a trickster god? I mean you do KNOW when we NEED to be resurrected… you just can’t do it.
Olidammara is a bitch.
- So Masarrah is able to get a fix on some creepy cabin where they are meant to go, and they head there.
- Aaron: We don’t know what we’re supposed to be doing and all that’s in this cabin is a useless book of evocation spells none of us can use!!!
Masarrah: Maybe you can ask the book what we’re supposed to do?
Aaron: Oh great and powerful book…
Mayo: THIS ISN’T HERETICS TO THE EMPIRE.
- Aaron: Why don’t you ask your god?
Masarrah: I didn’t prepare that spell.
Aaron: Why not?
Masarrah: I prepared DISMISSAL, in case we fought TIAMAT before the next time I slept.
Masarrah: Excessive, but fair.
- DM: You see a shooting star pattern, a comment that is known to happen only once a year, it last happened as you know… the week before the campaign started.
Aaron: Oh no…. you know what that means?
Merle: I was right?
Masarrah: Olidammara… is this the past?
Olidammara: Yes. It’s always the past.
- Aaron: This is now a week before Merle and I were captured with a caravan that was transporting a magical artifact we still don’t know what was.
Masarrah: So… should we go kill Saladin?
Merle: Should we go hijack the caravan?
Aaron: NO. I am not going to be reason we got kidnapped in the first place.
Majere (DM): You DID black out during that, and it seemed like you were in combat.
Aaron: We have a lot to do… we need to find out what that artifact was…
Masarrah: Maybe we should focus on finding the sword?
Aaron: I’m NOT jumping in that volcano again.
- Masarrah: If this is the past, maybe we shouldn’t mess with the time continuum.
Aaron: REALLY?!??!! What because the WORLD MIGHT END? I don’t think it can wind up any worse than it already IS.
- So they camp…. and when they wake up, the grass is higher, and the forest is strange, and there are large forest creatures.
Aaron: Did we go back further in time?
DM: The people… look primitive…
Aaron: Back. Definitely Back.
Masarrah: Uhhhhh… I’m gonna prepare my spells.
And that’s where we leave the game, because people need to sleep and we need to get our heads around this whole… suddenly in the past thing. Yeaaaaaaah… shit’s about to get interesting.