Heretics to the Empire – Oregon Trail

When last we left our Cadre of Heretics they had just escaped from the Orc city of Ur Garok where Grimm and Silas had been held captive for a quite long time in the Arena, where Alexander died… and we forgot to loot him, and where we picked up Eden Raid, an Elf with an attitude problem.

So we escaped via a sewer… ran down the banks of the river of crap pouring out the sewer grate we Air Walked out of, and camped as far from the city as possible… and now… GAME ON!!!

  • So we wake up, Cassie prays, and they determine which direction they’ll be heading, which is toward the next nearest dot to where they are.
  • Eden suggests that they should mark the dots that have dissipated from the map, and Cassie claims she has no pen anymore because the Orcs took it. Eden looks at Thomas… and his pen.
    Eden: How have you survived this far?
    Tomas: I can give you a detailed account.
  • So Cassie borrows Tomas’ pen and puts the Orc city and the
  • DM: Actualy if that river is the one you know about, you can follow it to your map… your MAP? Yes, follow it to your MAP which is WAAAAAAAAY over there.
  • Majere: Give him Leeches!!!
    Mayo: Leeches are not a big deal really… you can just pull em off.
    DM: You forget. This is DnD. I can give you LEECHES.
  • Cassie casts Create Food and Water, making apples, bread and cheese, but Eden wants meat, so she decides it’s time for a good old fashioned Oregon Trail hunt with Eldrich blast… and explodes several rabbits and a bird.
  • As they make their way downriver, they find themselves encountering several rafts, with human and elf slaves, being transported by their Orcish captors.
  • While Grimm, Silas, and the Orcs trade arrow vollies, and Eden waits for them to come in range of her spells, one of the sets of slaves uses their chains to drop their Orcs in the water, and gets tossed into the water as a result where they start drowning. Silas goes in after them trying to free them from underwater with a kickass swim check.
  • Eden fires at the raft…
    Strife: 22?
    DM: It’s a raft… yes you hit.
    Strife: 10 damage!
    DM: You scorch a corner of the raft.
    Strife: Damn the raft has a lot of hit points.
    DM: ITS A RAFT!!!
  • Grimm takes his sword and goes to melee the Orcs using the Air Walk that Cassie dropped on him…
    DM: Which sword are you using?
    Grimm: Not the stone one… I don’t want to miss and then the slaves die of Dysentery.
    Orcs: He walk on water! He like some kind of Messiah… no… that not right word….
    Grimm: Let the Slaves go and I will allow you to live!!!
    So the Orcs push the slaves into the river, because they’re idiots.
  • Cassie runs for the shore to try and ford the river, and get the slaves out of the water, and finds the drop off the DM meant for the character in full plate… she’s up to her mouth in the water, but can breath thru her nose.
  • Eden pulls Cassie just far enough out of the water, to heal her, and then drops her back in where she botches her swim check and falls over.
    Strife: Eden goes invisible again.
    DM: You’re a BITCH.
  • So Silas and Grimm save as many slaves as they can, while Cassie flounders toward shore to perform heal checks on the survivors, and Eden uses her Eldrich Glaive to free Elven slaves only from their chains…
  • Silas: Are there any Orcs swimming around?
    DM: No, they were in full plate, but if you make a spot check you may see them slowly drowning in the river. Actually… this is DnD… it’s entirely possible you’ll see a bunch of Orcs walk out of the river in a few minutes going ‘Passed my Fort Save!!!!’
  • So the elvish slaves make off with the raft, and we all head off on foot…
  • Cassie: Why are YOU still here?
    Eden: What?
    Cassie: The elves have left, but you didn’t go with them. You seem to rather hate humans, so… why are you still here??
    Eden: I don’t hate humans. I just PREFER elves.
    Cassie: So….
    Eden: They’re in rags… look at me. They’re not my people either.
    Ozzy: She’s racist AND classist. Wonderful.
  • So eventually they camp and sleep… the watches go uneventfully except for a debate between Cassie and Eden about the alignment of Amunitor.
  • The next day… they walk… walk… walk…. and camp again.
  • The next day, they reach the village where the slaves were from, and chill out there…
  • Cassie considers taking “Make Whole” to fix the village…
    DM: DB_Ranger really needs to run that comedic campaign… Make HOLE.
    Majere: I was wondering last night when you were going to figure out that Masarrah’s spells were coming out as comedic caster spells… Discern Location was Discern Evocation, Miracle made her Spherical, Polymorph made her a Pollywog…
  • Strife: POKEMON IS REAL LIFE!!!
  • So we stay in the village for a week helping them rebuild, Cassie uses Mend and Make Whole a lot, Eden hunts for yummy foods for everyone, and Grimm and Silas pitch in with elbow grease…
  • Then we head for the road… and requesting an “eventful” trip… wander into a random encounter!
  • Cassie uses clairvoyance to try and see what’s making the grass rustle up ahead… but it doesn’t help… as it gets closer she casts “Invisibility Purge” which… honestly I took that to dick with the Warlock who can spam invisibility all over the place… but it reveals… Dark Links of Grimm, Cassie and Silas!
  • So Cassie casts Bless, and the rest of the party engages the enemy, Eden from the periphery of the area where Cassie’s bless is, but Invisibility Purge isn’t… and after a few rounds of melee, the creatures fly directly up and disappear.
  • These invisible dicks keep buzzing us… we know they’re up there, but they won’t come down and fight properly, not even after Cassie’s Invisibility Purge ends.
  • Come night… a looooooong discussion ensues regarding watch who’s taking it when, and how to get the maximum number of people at any time, without depriving the casters of necessary sleep.
  • Of course we only get about 30 min of sleep before the bastards attack again, doing Con damage to Silas in his sleep, and we all wake up.
  • We try and figure out what to do about this situation, and while we are, Silas pretends to go back to sleep to lure them back… he succeeds.
  • Silas is dragged up into the sky as Grimm and Cassie gather below him to try and stop him dying by catching and healing him respectively, with a little aide from Cassie Eden airwalks up to try and help him… it might work except.
  • Another one grabs Cassie and pulls her up into the air… she gets control of the grapple and tries to stab it, but it gets control of the grapple back before she can…
  • Silas gets his ass dropped… but Grimm succeeds in catching him, meaning they split the damage for the fall. OW. They each take a great deal of damage.
  • Eden keeps climbing toward Cassie… who gets dropped, and Eden fails to catch her…
    Strife: Can Tomas try to catch her?
    DM: Tomas is writing.
    Mayo: Tomas is ALWAYS writing!
    NA: Is she falling?
    Everyone Else: YES.
    Mayo: Are you stupid?
  • Grimm misses too, so Cassie makes a crater, but she lives, and casts cure critical on herself and is still a mess afterward…
  • The party crowds around Cassie trying to get healed… but she keeps getting interrupted by the invisible extra-planar assholes, who interrupt her spells… but in so doing reveal their positions for Eden, Grimm and Silas to thump.
  • Exra-planar Fake Eden: This is why I said we should leave one behind.
    Eden: That thing sounds like me now… and I wish it wouldn’t.
    Grimm: We don’t believe it’s YOU saying we should leave someone behind.
    Silas and Cassie: We don’t?
  • Cassie casts Sanctuary the better to heal people without getting ganked…
  • Thanks to a great Bluff Check from Eden… the invisible jerks head off for the lake of Crap from the beginning of the session… but the party doesn’t know that, and wouldn’t know that, except that the DM decided it was a good stopping point when we tried again at camping “Because they’re gone,” so… yeah.

Next time… the party camps under the overhang they found, still believing there’s invisible beings out to gank them, and Cassie prepares her spells with them in mind. Hah.

8^P

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