So when last we left our intrepid adventurers they were on the highest mountain of the world, and Merle had just become queen of the good dragons, of which we have about 1,000, in Gold, Silver and Bronze… plus Masarrah the Copper, and about 4,000 Eladrin that sprouted out of a seed given to us by the elves…
Have fun Storming the Castle!!!!
- Q: You realize once Tiamat is dead we’ll have installed a Chaotic Neutral Halfling as Queen of the Dragons.
Strife: It could be worse.
Q: Yeah… it could still be Tiamat.
- So we decide all the Dragons will fight Tiamat’s dragons outside (aside from Masarrah) and act as aircraft carriers for 3,000 of the Eladrin. 100 Eladrin in the Bag of Holding, 30 Eladrin scouts a scouting, and 870 Eladrin running amock and invisible in the citidel causing mass chaos to distract everyone from the four adventurers running around.
- DM: And the other 87 percent of them are hitting for 18.
Q: That’s 110 Percent!
Strife: Our Eladrin Army is giving 110 Percent!!!
- Q: I’m using my skill at disguise now to disguise Masarrah.
DM: What as?
Strife: Didn’t you hear him? It’s a skillet disguise. I’m cookware.
Q: I’m using my skill at Ham and Eggs on Merle to…
Strife: You’re not proficient at Ham. You can only use Hom.
- Aaron and Masarrah are disguised as evil clerics, and Merle has a 31 on her hide check.
- DM: You hear crying girls up ahead.
DM: No no, it sounds like a bunch of girls.
Q: A bunch of Banshees.
- It’s a Bunch of Banshees.
- Merle fails her Fort save against the Banshee’s scream
- DM: Merle dies again.
Aaron: We’ll revive her soon.
DM: She had a 31 hide check… you’ll have to notice she’s dead first. Spot check for dead halfling.
- Upon being reminded that Merle is holding the Shield of Marduk, the DM recants. Merle is alive because the shield grants immunity from instant death attacks.
- Q: I activate Aaron’s holey Aura.
DM: What does it do?
Q: Same thing it did last time!
- Ozzy shows up just in time to take last initiative! Constructs are immune to these bitches.
- Now fort saves against Horrifying Appearance. Merle fails and takes some serious stat damage, and looses hit points to her damaged Constitution. No one knows, however, because she’s still hiding.
- Bastian the construct is doing fairly well against the Banshees, as they’re immune to him.
- So Aaron drives off the Banshees with Sunburst… and Merle comes out of hiding. Masarrah cast’s heal on her damage.
- Q: Wait… I can cast daylight at will.
DAYLIGHT PEBBLES FOR EVERYONE!!!
- Merle gets sucked into a trap of evil… except that then
- Merle: It’s a goddamn magnet!!!
Aaron: How do those work?
Q: Wait… how is the construct not sucked into that?
Ozzy: I got a natural 20?
- So they decide not to go thru that door…
- REFLEX SAVES.
- Bastian gets eaten by an energy ball and no one cares… because he’s a construct and they just met him.
- So they start flying up to a window, Merle as a passenger to Aaron… and the energy ball spits out Bastian, with acid damage. Masarrah swoops back down to get him.
- After missing the party repeatedly with further attempts to eat the party, the orbs explode, causing cold, fire, and electrical damage.
- Bastian is a dead construct. Sad. Toss him in the bag of holding. Maybe we can “Make Whole” him later.
- DM: You see four little balls of light flying down the corridor at you.
Mayo: Oh no, not again.
DM: No no… not orbs. Balls… err… Eladrin.
- DM: So the scouts say there’s this giant worm thing up ahead, huge and angry, with teeth ringing it’s mouth.
Strife: Lets kill it and take the spice!
Q: YES!!! You have create water! So we’re covered!
- Q: What? No. We’re too busy to deal with any library that’s being pointed out by the DM.
So they send Merle to the Library, and head off to mess up the sandworm.
- Merle discovers this apparently happened once before in Dragonlance…. sort of.
- Meanwhile, Aaron takes out two Mindflayers and a Beholder with a braided maximized horrid wilting, and then the remaining Mindflayer by blowing it the hell up.
- Masarrah grilles one of the Mindflayer corpses for directions and intel on how to fuck up Tiamat and the Citadel.
- So when Merle returns from the library she tells them all about Crin and the mage who stopped Takhisis from manifesting there.
- DM: You hear a very talented opera voice coming down the corridor…. he’s singing like lalalaotralalalalala!!!
Mayo: *Cues up Trolololo.*
- So it turns out to be the devourer… who despite his size, gnashing toothy mouth and monstrisness, is a gentle well spoken individual, who introduces himself cordially, and explains that he likes to sing for his supper. “Don’t fret, for you will still be able to hear my talented voice as you are slowly digested.”
- Aaron shoves a prismatic wall in it’s wide open mouth… it goes mad, starts to burrow into the ground, turns to stone, and disintegrates.
- So they head down to the Gnomish engine that keeps this thing up. Merle knows that melting the thing will make the whole thing explode… she thinks she can shut it down… about 40% chance.
- In leiu of this Aaron leaves one of the ring gates behind, planning to shoot the fuck out of them thru it… or let Tiamat do it by holding up the other ring gate when she dicks them up… and then she’ll take the explosion thru the gate.
Mayo: Portals. Speedy thing goes in. Speedy thing comes out.
- So they head upstairs to go to Tiamat’s great dark tower… but on the way there, they hit a dead end with a no-return portal which they pass thru before arriving at a throne room. Upon the throne is what looks like an avatar of Tiamat… with magic shielding in the form of jewels and mirrored shields. Masarrah goes dragon form.
- Avatar: YOU!!! You destroyed me once, but my queen has given me everything I ever wanted and now I will destroy you!!!
Aaron: I didn’t destroy him… REME?
Merle: Aren’t you in the portable hole?
Reme: You should inspect your items more carefully!!!
Merle: It was YOUR portable hole…. look we don’t need to fight, do we?
Aaron: He’s an Avatar of Tiamat… yes.
- For the record, the DM states Reme does not have the full stats of an aspect of Tiamat.
- The party takes all 5 breath weapons to the face… OW.
- Aaron has on a blade barrier for defense and heads forward to mess Reme up… Reme tries to bite him, and turns his black head into pulled pork.
- Merle goes full defensive with no ranged weapons she can use without putting down the sheild of Marduk and becoming suceptible to draong fear, and no way to cover the distance at halfling speed without spending a round getting pummeled by the heads.
- Massarah flies up to the ceiling and starts dicking around.
- Massarah drops a portion of the ceiling on Reme’s spine… making his back half uselelsee, and giving Merle the space and time to run around and flank him. She attacks with the sword of Marduk and it cuts a white hot searing gash into his hind quarters.
- Aaron, meanwhile, uses fly to attack another head with his “cheese grater” and then goes after another with his Vorpal Shortsword… but his head remains.
- Massarah shreds his wings… and Merle stabs it in the buttox again. Critical hit… and then botch. She’s blinded by the light!!!
- Reme is not doing so hot… but then he tries to heal himself with some kind of black venom symbiote goo… at least it can’t bring his head back.
- Masarrah thumps him with the rock again… but Reme casts “Let Go Of Me” which is apparently very owwie.
- Q: Now the redhead shall feel all of my… affections. Because I like redheads.
Strife: Me too!
Mayo: Me three!!!
- Strife: SHUT UP AND ROLL YOUR DAMAGE!!!
Q: Oh… you should yell more. The dice seem to like it.
Strife: For a price… I mean if that’s what gets you going.
Q: Not ME. The DICE.
Strife: Oh… no charge for the dice.
- Reme turns to a myst and starts flowing out the neck of his suit of plates… and out the ass by Merle. Aaron plugs the neck-whole with his sheild… which has the portable hole affixed to the front.
REME: GET BACK IN THE WHOLE!!!
- So Reme is all over, and Aaron is just scooping parts of him up with the effed up non-returning portable hole, until all that’s left is a baby red dragon which Masarrah eats.
Aaron: NOW it’s ok to kill baby dragons?
- Yay for XP!!! Merle Levels. She’s now Rouge 10/Packrat 5/Combat Trapsmith 5. Level 20!!! Same as Aaron. Masarrah’s never going to catch up with her level adjustment for being a Copper Dragon.
- Heading up to the main chamber we find… LENORE?!?!?!?
- We catch her monologue, about how she is impersonating Tiamat and they’re all going to follow her and she’s doing this because the Mages’ Guild never took her serious enough.
- Merle: Wait… is this one of those dumbass “I’ll show them all” plots?
Lenore: I DID show them all.
Aaron: Actually no one knows you’re behind this… so no, you didn’t.
- Masarrah: Wait… you want people to answer your prayers?
Merle: NO. She wants the Gods to answer HER prayers… and apparently she plans to get that by eliminating all their other worshipers.
Lenore: The Halfling Understands.
Merle: You realize gods derive their power from their worshipers yes? You’re only weakening the gods so they CAN’T ever answer your prayers.
Masarrah: You know how you get the gods to answer your prayers? BE AWESOME. I’m AWESOME, and my got turned me into a motherfucking COPPER DRAGON!!!
- Aaron blows up Lenore, and her Dragon Orbs….
Masarrah: This is too easy…
- DM: The chamber goes white… like the white computer screen white. There’s two old ass men playing a board game, and another watching… they are good, evil, and the observer, neutral.
Masarrah: Is this the Boring Ass Mage’s Afterlife?
DM: There’s a flayed person on the ground, who looks like they would be whimpering in pain if they could make a sound.
Masarrah: Yep… Mage’s Afterlife.
- Strife: What did you bet? Your Skin?
Q: I’ll have your hyde!!! Sorry… that was awful, but it had to be done.
Ozzy: No it didn’t…
Q: Yes it did.
- So… apparently we completed Lenore’s ritual, and got to the Elder Forge, only to find that she got there first, but they didn’t like her so they flayed her.
Masarrah: These gods are… jerks.
- They decide to let us use the Elder Forge to build the world we want… which… is the world we had, minus the assholes that caused this whole mess and their damage, and with our tale appended to the legends.
- So… Aaron thinks it might be a good idea for Masarrah to stay behind in the heavenish place. She says no, because she’s going to run her God’s temple.
- Merle: Why can’t Masarrah have Blinky back?
Aaron: Because I don’t want her having a pet that can disintegrate anything she wants it to?
Masarrah: Is that worse than me being a dragon?
Aaron: Yes… be content with that and leave Blinky where he is.
- Merle wants to bring back the Gnomes… and Masarrah wants the Pharaohs of her home continent removed. Aaron is having none of it.
- Merle: How about just a few survivors?
Good: Those would be there… they always have been, they are just hard to find.
Merle: *Is placated.*
- Merle: What WAS the logic behind those who made the Tarasque in the first place?
Aaron: Look at the giant thing we made. See it eat. See it crush. See it destroy.
- Aaron: None of the other Temples have special guardians.
Masarrah: None of the other Gods have Clerics that came thru and saved the fucking world!!!
Aaron: Some died trying.
Merle: Cleric of Pelor… we lost her earlier.
- Masarrah: Lets put a Mountain near Celestina.
Aaron: NO. That will change the weather pasterns.
Masarrah: A small mountain?
Aaron: Lets not change geography please.
Masarrah: A temple as BIG as a mountain then!!!
- So Masarrah asks if she can draw her temple… Good asks for her hand… which she gives him. He pulls a finger off and hands it back to her. She’s not hurt.
Good: Draw in the sand.
Aaron: Couldn’t she have done that-
Aaron+Masarrah: WITH THE FINGER STILL ATTACHED?
Masarrah: They ARE all evil.
She draws her thing and then tries to put her finger back on…. but finds another one already there.
Masarrah: Well this is awkward.
- Masarrah: We could remake the world without evil!
Aaron: NO. We are not remaking this world in our image!
Masarrah: Not in our image… without evil!!!
Aaron: It would be based on our ideas of good and evil.
- Before they fire up the forge, everyone gets their own single wish…
Masarrah: GOOD ALIGNED BLINKY UNDER MY CONTROL!!!
She gets it…
Merle: A reliable map to the gnomish survivors.
Merle gets a blank map, and an encyclopedia gnomica.
Aaron: I want to be immortal.
The best they can do is Captain Jack him…. he’s ok with that.
- Masarrah and Aaron become heads of their orders… Merle is content with returning as her old rougish self, and questing to find the gnomes.
- Masarrah: You know what’s sad? Merle is going to die way before us.
Merle: That’s ok… I’ll be in the afterlife, and I’m going to have the BEST story for Brandobaris!!!
- Aaron: Oh… and give us back our stuff.
Merle: I don’t want the sword and shield of Marduk… those should go… someplace.
Aaron: Back where they were… except, that asshole who was guarding them.
Good: St. Cuthbert?
Aaron: Him… he’s not guarding them anymore. It’ll be a clone of Merle. She’s not a dick, and she’s quite capable of determining who is worthy.
- Aaron: And lets shut that hellgate under Celestina…
Masarrah: How about all the gates to the lower planes.
Aaron: All the gates to any other planes… not sealed just closed.
- So they fire up the Elder Forge and remake the world!!!!
- DM: So you see the earth begin to form…
Strife: In the beginning…
Q: Leonard Nimoy and Bilbo Baggins!!!
Mayo: *Cues up the Civ 4 Opening Narration.*
Leonard Nimoy: In the beginning the earth was without form, and void…
- DM: So you appear in an inn in Celestina, around a table… you have no recolection of your time with the Gods, except that you know you made some wishes…
Strife: Is Blinky in here with me?
Mayo: Please tell me that my Encyclopedia Gnomica is IN my bag of holding and not taking up half this room…
Ozzy: Blinky and your encyclopedia are double parked outside.
- DM: And here’s where we’ll leave it… all in favor of picking this up as an Epic LEvel campaign after Ravenloft?
ALL IN FAVOR!!!
So yes… that’s the end of the story… for now. The world is back, and safe, and our heros are in an inn with all their crap, and no full recollection of what they did, and they’re there waiting for the Epic Level campaign….
Next night with this DM? Ravenloft 2.0!!!