Ravenloft – The Batman!!!!

So here we are about to start a new Campaign!!! We’re playing Ravenloft, DnD 2.0, and none of us really know HOW to play 2.0, including the DM, Majere. He’s been playtesting with Q for a while though, so it should be doable…. they’ve played him up from level 1, and the rest of us are rolling in at his level, level 3.

The Setting:

It’s Ravenloft. We’re going to be in Barovia to start… and… yeah. You can keep up because, here we are!!!

The Party:

Alric – Fighter/Thief, Level 3/3 – Played by Q – Half Elf, from the plane of Ravenloft, Darkon.

Popcorn Explodaduck – Mage, Level 3, – Played by Mayo – Kender, from the plane of Krynn, Kendermore.

Ser Barriston – Paladin, Level 3 – Played by Strife – Human, from the plane of… the song of Ice and Fire, Westeros.

and…

Marco Stregazza – Fighter, Level 4 – Played by Ozymandias – Human, from the plane of Faerun.

Majere has gone a little overboard this time, and is engaging mood lighting in addition to our usual somewhat facetious mood music, and well… seriosing the music. This will be the first campaign where I’ve started Liveblogging at the top of the campaign, so I’m looking forward to having a full record… yay!!!

  • Popcorn was sitting in a freind’s home in Kendermore when a mysterios flash flood entered the hut and she was swept up in it… passing out soon after from the fridged water, and partial drowning.
  • Ser Barriston was riding down a forest road in the Autumn, when a strange mist rolled across him… and when it rolled out again, it was the dead of winter, and the trees were quite strange.
  • DM: There are shambling figures up the road… around a single candle light.
  • Strife debates whether to be from The Wall or Dondarrion’s group… (I don’t know eaither it’s SoiaF) based on whether or not he would react properly to these shambling creatures, thinking about the Zombies in the Song of Ice and Fire settings… and settles on being from The Wall.
    Strife: They come in the dark, in the night, in the cold… and they are the antithesis of my God.
  • Popcorn wakes up in a bundle by a candle, with a man with a crossbow standing over her, aiming off at shambling figures advancing on their position.
  • Barriston fails his Horror check, and stands and stares at the shambling creatures…
  • DM: You hear someone, a child’s voice saying something about feet, and hands, and face and arms…
    Mayo: Wait… is that Popcorn?
    Q: GAH!!!!
  • Alric is having a hard time being convinced to go anywhere near the shamblers, even by the old lady on his arm demanding he go rescue her husband… presumably from the play-testing phase.
  • Popcorn fails her fear check, and get’s a horror check because her fear is fear… oh Kenders. She starts screaming, which is a good thing, because Barriston, and Alric were about to blow out of here without her.
  • Barriston fails another Horror check and takes the fuck off… while Alric charges one of them to try and hit it with a backstab.
  • Popcorn is mistaken for a child, and then a midget, and Alric takes an arm off one of the shambling things, and then they all fall dead.
  • The man with the crossbow can’t be convinced to leave, Popcorn takes off running but takes a claw to the face and looses half of her 10 hitpoints. Aldric takes off to protect the woman, and the man, now beleaguered by shamblers, takes off for the river, dragging his bag behind him.
  • Mayo: Will you please use that voice to say: “I’m the fucking batman!”
    Q: I’m the fucking Batman!!!
    Mayo: *Laughing* I’m sorry, Alric sounds so much like Christian Bale’s Batman.
    Q: (Still in the voice.) I was told I had this flaw, I was trying to play it out, but apparently I just sound like Batman.
    DM: So you go back to the woman, and you say “We’re going to go around… Joker….” No sorry…
  • Aldric catches up to Popcorn pretty fast….
    Aldric: They’re not following you anymore.
    DM: You hear Christian Bale behind you… no… sorry.
    Q: You run faster…
    Popcorn actually slows down, and then the man with the crossbow runs up on to the road… having somehow escaped the shamblers.
  • Popcorn: Popcorn!!! *Extends her hand.*
    Alric: No thank you, not hungry.
    Popcorn: How rude.
    Alric and the man go on talking about what species Popcorn is….
    Man: Excuse me, the adults are talking here.
    Popcorn: Then I should be included.
    Man: My name is Dr. Cornwall.
    Popcorn: Extends her hand Popcorn!
    Alric: Wait… that’s your NAME?
    Popcorn: Popcorn Explodaduck!
  • Popcorn: That’s the Soulbottom River over there, right?
    Alric: No that’s the Levcaresk….
  • So since the shambler are coming they start moving off down the road, as fast as they can away from them, while Alric explains their situation…
    Alric: So where were you before you were here…
    Popcorn: I was sitting in my neighbor Slamadoor Mapstealer’s livingroom-
    Alric: You shut up.
    Ser: I was on the wall…
    Alric: What wall?
    Ser: THE WALL, in the North.
  • Alric: LOOK: None of you are in the places you were.
    Popcorn: Clearly, this doesn’t look anything like Slamdoor Mapstealer’s livingroom.
    So Alric explains how they got to Ravenloft, and that they can’t go back…
    Popcorn: Aw DUCKS.
  • Barriston: How long are your seasons?
    Alric: A few months… like anywhere else…
    Barriston: Not like where I’m from… good the enemy doesn’t have as deep a hold here.
    Popcorn: He’s battier than Sliprock Headbang.
  • Barriston: So… Knight, Doctor, Child-
    Popcorn: *Thumps him with a Hoopack.*
    Barriston: Dwarf?
    Popcorn: *Thump.*
    Barriston: Don’t DO that. *Thumps her with the shield.* Knight, Doctor… Fool.
    Popcorn: I hereby dub you, Crackedhead Sheildbash.
  • So they head off down the road and encounter Marco, who’s fallen out of a tree. Popcorn pokes him with a stick, and he gets up cursing.
    Marco: WHY IS IT SO COLD?!?!?!
    Alric and Popcorn: Because it’s winter?
  • So they all head off to the hanging grounds to see the old lady to her husband, Brian, who is apparently hanging by the neck among other criminals from the trees. Alric, doesn’t want her to take him down, but Popcorn wants to help…. until he wakes up.
  • Popcorn scrambles out of the tree as Alric picks up the old lady and they run away!!!!
  • So they get to her house, and Marco makes tea, and Barriston barricades all the windows and doors, and Popcorn just kind of chills…
  • Popcorn’s Kender fingers sheet goes to the DM. In this campaign, the Kender is not in full control or always aware of what she’s taken, so the DM will just keep adding things to a sheet, and they will not go onto the charactor’s equipment list until the Kander discovers them in her bags while looking thru them.
  • True Story Of Popcorn’s Name: She fed unpopped popcorn to a duck, which was subsequently slaughtered for dinner, and exploded it while trying to cook it.
  • So we hear a scream… and we peek outside…
    DM: You all see this! *Holds up a book.*
    Ozzy: What?
    Strife: Elvis?
    Mayo: The Lantern is BEHIND you Majere.
    DM: Oh… you can’t see this, can you…
  • So the next door neighbor lady is dead in the hands of our old friend the living hangedman, Dead Brian.
    Popcorn: Excuse me Ma’am… did your husband have a problem with the lady next door?
    *Stares from Players.*
    Mayo: WHAT? I’m a KENDER!!!
    Ozzy: We were all thinking it… she said it!!!
  • Barriston: How many are in this town?
    Alric: A thousand… a thousand and a half… who knows?
    Popcorn: The Census Taker?
  • Mayo: You know what they say… curiosity killed the kender… wait… does that screen say RAVENLOFF? Oh no… that’s just the registered trademark.
    Ozzy: Yes we’ve all been saying it wrong… Ravenloff… like we hae a lisp of some sort. What jerk decided to put the letter “s” in lisp?
  • Barriston fucks up the zombie while everyone chills inside, and then we all go to sleep. Apparently in Ravenloft you only heal one hit point per night… which sucks donkeys.
  • The next morning, the town is alive and awake, and… normalish… apparently everyone in town who’s lost a relative in the last 5 years wears black clothes. Quite odd. The Party heads to the Inn where Alric has been staying, and get breakfast. Popcorn produces a potroast, Barriston orders some ale.
  • Bells ring out in the town, which Alric tells the party means that someone has died. No one is surprised since they saw folk die last night in the fight with Dead Brian.
  • So, Barriston and Popcorn go to find out how they handle their dead, by following the procession….
    Barriston: You there… how do your people handle your dead?
    Guard: They are going to be prepared for burial.
    Barriston tries to convince him that they should be burned, due to the zombie problem in the countryside… but the Guard is all: Have you Been Drinking? You Smell of Ale.
    Barriston: I don’t hear me sluring…
    Popcorn: If you were drunk you wouldn’t hear yourself slurring.
    Guard: Where is this child’s mother?
  • So they head back to the Inn and hang there till they hear a screaming in the street, it seems poor Dead Brian’s wife is getting summarily evicted due to debts he ostensibly owed a town merchant.
  • Alric and Barriston, stay the eviction by invoking the law, which seems to unnerve the guards, who are not eager at all for them to take him and the lady to present her case to the Local Burgomaster. When they give up, Alric pickpocket’s the supposed deed, and finds out it’s only partially filled out and missing a signature.
  • DM: His name was Brian… Brackis.
    Q: His friends called him BB.
    DM: And then he killed them!!!
    Q: And then they killed him!!!
    Strife: And then he came back and killed them more!!!
  • So we’re all chillin at the Inn, and some guys come to hire Alric, and they take him out into the alley, where Popcorn follows just in time to see that they have friends, and they all intend to mess him up…. Popcorn runs back inside.
  • Baddies: We’re going to show you who’s really in charge around here.
    Alric: I’ll tell you who’s really in charge around here… ME!!!
  • So yeah… Alric seriously messes up one of the thugs and when Barriston shows up to back him, the rest of them take off running.
  • Dr. Cornwall drags the injured inside and attempts to minister to him… while Alric attempts to extort a confession from the thug, and that he roll on his superior with a contract and a potion.
  • So we all chill in the Inn again… this is becoming a pattern. Eventually Marco who broke off earlier to commission a winter coat, heads out to pick it up from the tailor…
  • We go back to chilling in the Inn, till he comes back in paniced to tell everyone that Dead Brian is BACK!!!
  • Marco, Alric, and Barriston head out to put Dead Brian back to being dead. Popcorn has apparently wandered off.
  • Alric: You two go around… I’ll take it from behind.
  • So they get into combat, and they attack it while it’s trying to strangle a guy… well that guy gets strangled and then Dead Brian tries to kill Marco.
  • DM: You hear bones snap and Marco goes limp… you don’t think he’s dead yet.
    Ozzy: Yeah… he’s just got his neck snapped, he’ll be fine.
  • Popcorn shows up!!! She’s at the end of the initiative this round.
    Mayo: Ok, I’ve always wanted to say this: I ceee-aast MAGIC MISSILE!!!
  • Strife: I want to use this for my holey damage!
    Mayo: That’s not a D6! That’s a Backgammon Dice!
  • So there’s more combat, another round of Magic Missiles… the dismembered arm gets daggered to a wall, and Popcorn pulls ag, and then Barriston pulls it back… and end of round.
  • Alric breaks the hell out of the remaining arm, which was strangling Barriston, sending fingers flying… as they backhand him in the face. Marco comes to, and slashes the thing in half, breaking whatever power had it animate.
  • Alric: Now what do we do with him?
    Barriston: We hack it into tiny bits!
    Popcorn: Didn’t they do that last night?
    Marco: Put it in separate meathooks, hung apart from one another.
    Barriston: *Keeps pulping the corpse.*
    Marco: You’re ruining the meathook idea.
    Alric: Any ideas?
    Popcorn: Six Feet Under?
    Barriston: Get a Priest.
    Alric: How will that help?
    Popcorn: It’s hard to undig yourself from that far down.
    Barriston: I think he meant ME.
  • So they decide to wake the Burgomaster…

And we decide to go to bed… because it’s 4am, and we’re all tired and non-functional and everyone’s sober and it’s time to hit the couches, and the cars, and get the heck to wherever it is any of us are sleeping.

Gnight!!!

8^)

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