Thanks, but No Thanks

Dear Girly-Girls,

Now there’s nothing wrong with being a feminine lady if that’s who you are, but I’m not. I’d hardly class myself under any circumstances as ANY sort of lady. I’m female, that’s clear, but the gender role of “lady” is one I simply don’t fulfill nor do I have any compunction to do so. Gender is a spectrum and “Lady” is an extreme end of that spectrum. I fall closer to the middle. That’s who I am and how I live my life. I’m a female bodied androgyne, and I’m very comfortable there. Can’t wrap your head around that? Then I’m a full grown “Tomboy” or a “one of the guys” or what have you. That’s the space I occupy and I’m comfortable there, except when someone forgets this status and tries to enforce cis-woman behavior or dress on me… and that’s where this gets annoying.

See, a lot, not all but a lot of you Ladies, Girly-Girls, Pretty Women, seem to be under the mistaken idea that my more “plain” mode of dress is indicative of low self esteem, a lack of a feminine role model, or some other defect on my part, and that I can be taught to take “better” care of my appearance.

This is patently erroneous.

People tell me I should wear makeup. I would look so pretty. They want to put it on me, but after the first few times I let someone, it’s just a waste of my time. I’ve recently been asked to try on someone’s high heels, as if I’d never worn anyone, and I’ve done it. They’re always surprised that telling me how good I look up on stilts doesn’t make me suddenly want to wear them all the time. I still feel like I’m going to turn an ankle up here. It’s still not healthy. I still want my loafers back PLZTHX. Putting me in a dress will not make me feel like “the woman I am,” because who I am does not depend on what I wear, and I’m NOT a “woman.” Thanks.

So yeah. I’m not pretty, and I don’t want to BE pretty. Sometimes I want to be adorable… but that’s not gendered, and that doesn’t mean I don’t care about how I look, or that I look down on pretty people, or that I think I’m ugly or anything like that. There are just other forms of looking good that feel better on me. Thanks but no thanks on the pretty-girl lessons please. I’ll wear a dress when I please… and pants when I please.

I’m a damned dapper person and that’s exactly how I like it.


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