Alice in Zombieland

(Originaly Entitled: “The Shopping Mall as a Metaphor for Life” but I totally lost that thread of thought.)

Well I went to see Resident Evil 2 yesterday… it was a good day. A very good day.

Spoilers ahead, if you haven’t seen the movie yet… but well get to those later, after a nice divider… made of tildes and asterisks… so if you don’t want to know anything about Resident Evil Apocalypse, then don’t read past there. So… yesh… what else have I done…

Oh well I suppose it would be disrespectful of me not to mention the fact that today is what…. 3 years since the Towers Fell. I certainly haven’t forgotten that day 3 years ago in Mr. Herrick’s art room staring unbelievingly at the news coverage on a 13 inch black and white TV… the only TV in the whole school the AV monitors hadn’t scooped up and made off with to prevent classes from being disrupted. The victims of that tragedy are still in my heart. Really that goes without saying.

Right then… I’ll get on with my recounting of events which occurred yesterday.

Well I bought a pound of Lemon Heads, And got a free half pound of Gummy bears, which I gave to my mom, to give to my brother when I gave her back the car keys. See I borrowed the car from her, while she was at work and went to see RE2 as a matinee, but I went to the mall early and went shopin too.

First stop Candy Express… for the Lemon Heads… then off to Best Buy for the RE1 Deluxe Edition DVD. That was a purchase I was quite happy with… poke about in Spencer’s gifts some… and The Old Game Shop… then discover why you should NEVER ask for assistance in the Disney Store… even if they can’t find what you were asking for they will try their hardest not to let you leave the store without buying SOMETHING.

Then to the Hot Topic. There I purchased two sets of arm warmers, on a bit of an indulgence and a Poster from the movie “Labyrinth.”

Then I went to Bugaboo Creek Steak House… had the Snowbird Chicken… gagged/choked on the last bit alone in the restaurant, because I’d gone alone… and in the effort to cough it up triggered my gag reflex resulting in a case of reverse peristalsis, and subsequently regurgitated all the chicken I’d eaten. I was highly unpleasant. It was also very embarrassing… at least I wasn’t wearing my arm warmers at the time or I’d have gotten vomit on them.

Then it was off to the movie. Hold the popcorn… for reasons already stated… the lemon heads came in handy there though.

So… Resident Evil: Apocalypse.

Overall every bit as good as the first Resident Evil Movie… though I do believe I may prefer the first one somewhat on the basis of plotline cohesion. The second was a bit on the disjoined side… but Alice had pants on so it gets bonus points for not making Milla spend another move in that mini dress… which looked cool, but for practical porpoises was a terrible idea.. and didn’t exactly fit with reality.

Taking on the role of girl in a highly implausible outfit, was our intrepid S.T.A.R.S. Officer Jill Valentine, in a tube top and a blue mini skirt. It’s pretty clear she’s only in the movie because people were miffed that there weren’t any cannon charries in the first movie. Hence Carlos and the others as well they were flat… pretty boring, and clearly didn’t belong in this universe. Especially Jill, who’s niche was already more than adequately filled by Alice. Nicoli was well and good screwed over (a goodie instead of a baddie,) but Angela was a breath of fresh air in the form of another character that follows the format from the first movie. Just as Alice filled the Jill Niche in the first movie (and Matt was Chris, or was he Barry? Or Brad? Whatever,) Angela filled Sherri’s shoes with wonderful competence. Her British accent evoked memories of the Red Queen, and leads one to wonder if she might have been the model for it, (the actress was not, but the character conceivably could have been.) L.J. absolutely rocked my socks… funny guy him. The random Black S.T.A.R.S. Officer was a bit overkill… it’s taking the evening out of the race in the cast a little to far… I think we are beyond the token black dude who gets killed of early in the horror movie thing.

We had a wonderful reprise of the Zombie Dogs, and it was nice to see someone actually putting a school fire blanket to use for once! But since when does Alice Smoke? For that matter since when does JILL Smoke? The smoking bits were wholey unnecessary to the plot… except to give the charries excuse to have fire with them at a given time… but being former girl scouts could have been just as good an excuse for matches. (Be Prepared!)

Oh and note we DID see both nipples in this movie! In the commentary on the First RE movie, someone… one of the guys, said, jokingly, that the reason you only see one of Milla’s nipples in the first movie is because they need to hold SOMETHING back for the sequel. (Meantime Milla is all “Well we have to have SOME Class!” or sommat like that. I’m pretty sure she was drunk when they made that commentary… either that or she’s ADD like me and it was past 10 at night.)

Right, and then Nemesis had a moral epiphany and Alice turned out to be have been genetically engineered and infected with the T-virus, and oh btw, NOT CONTIGUOUS. What’s with THAT?!?!?! Ok, so Matt is Nemesis and Nemesis is Matt. But that doesn’t mean he has any recollection of who he was before. And how did Alice get pumped up by T-Virus without looking like Nemesis or the Licker? Meh. I’m not to sure about the Alice Project. It’s stupid. I do hope she won’t be the baddie in the last movie.

So yesh… Great Movie… a little disjointed… but who can dislike anything that involved Milla Jovovich kicking ass like that? Not I.

Yesh then… that’s all… I’ma go hang my Labyrinth Poster.


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